Life has changed dramatically. I no longer write here because the small shred of submission that I held has been demolished by feelings of hopelessness, emotional blackness. Depression. I have been and still am close to admitting myself into an inpatient facility for treatment of this...black dog.
I have good and bad days. The good days are nowhere near to what a healthy person feels on a good day. Good days are when the pain doesn't manage to cripple me. The bad days are unbearable. I am ashamed to admit that Master has had to help dress me on those days.
Medication has been tough on me. The psychiatrist is trying to find what helps. One medicine nearly had me catatonic. Master, my therapist and I have decided to intensify my treatment. I'll see her multiple times a week. I'll see the psychiatrist multiple times a month. Hopefully this plan will work and there will be no need to have me admitted to a facility.
I worry about Master. I am very aware, very sensitive to how much this can affect Him. He has been as supportive as anyone could possibly be. Every day, no matter how deep my darkness, I am always thankful for Him.
3 comments:
just a quick note to let you know i'm thinking of you and sending good thoughts. holler at me when you can.
*muah*
Grace,
I'm glad you posted- I was wondering what had happened. I hope you and your Master are able to work through these problems.
Grace, I just stumbled on this post through Love Boudoir, and had to add some words and hugs of support. I've had regular bouts of clinical depression, from assorted causes, and know what the pain is like. I do hope that with whatever help is available you can bring things back into balance and feel some sunshine again.
Try to believe that it will be over soon. I know how hard it can be in the darkest times, but try.
o.g.
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