Master wanted a blowjob. Just out of the blue, "I want a blowjob". Two months ago, I had no problem doing that. Two months ago I was in better health and on depression meds that helped. I really wish I could just out of the blue do that for him. Sometimes though, especially now with all the complications... I just can't snap into it right now.

He's working now and I'm going to try to get into the minset. If he wants it when he comes home I'd like to be able to pleasure him.

When I marry him in a few weeks, I would like to feel like I am not just marrying my best friend and lover but my Master, too. I call Him Master because afterall well, He is. Yet we haven't been active M/s in so long...that has to be built up again. We need this, and I should talk to Him about that. I would like it to be unspoken that day, that He is taking full ownership and control and that I am pledging my support and service in addition to everything else.