Master and I fucked last night. It felt so good to have the world quiet down long enough for us to be intimate like that. My lips ran over His cock and it was lovely. There was nothing but our desires... no pressure, expectation or intruding thoughts of day to day obligations. He fucked me, hard. It made me feel like a woman. I felt His strong energy. I felt the need to yield, yield. We were so close to being our Master and slave selves.

It would be lovely to be used sexually. More often. Without me having to initiate. I believe that me not initiating would be a wonderful push toward that mindset. I fear that sex would almost dissapear if I didn't initiate it. Master is beginning to really dig deep into that crazy summer schedule of His and...and...and...

I wish we could be more involved with our local kink group but it seems like the monthly meetings are not meshing with our schedule. It was a bummer that we missed another munch on Saturday but at the same time I am glad to have spent the time with Master's family. Bonus is that we accomplished all of our to-do-list yard work.

I would like to become more involved in kink now. I figured that more activity in the munches would perhaps nudge at that but who knows what will be our inspiration (or kick in the ass). It seems like something always comes up that takes priority. I don't feel very comfortable when we have to take a backseat to work or other commitments. I feel uneasy because sometimes I feel like we can do much better in prioritizing. Our down time can be spent in bed instead of unwinding in front of a tv.

Sometimes I stop and realize what I am doing. Obsessing over keeping the house tidy when I could be relaxing some in order to enjoy Him. Master, well he's too relaxed. We need to find a common ground, perhaps.

It's hard for me to see the big picture. I live with my face looking down into the fishbowl. Big picture often defeats me. That's scary because moments will go by while you're going through your work and then you realize another year has passed... not just a few moments. And what do you have to show for that year? A cleaner house? New furniture? Not as much in savings as you had wanted. You're a year older and really... nothing has changed. That kind of stuff just terrifies me. I tend to fall into ruts and I dislike that so much about myself.

Labels: on being used