Master is back home. It was kind of weird at first, having him back. I missed him lots. At the same time, I sort of got used to the aloneness- how it used to be when we lived apart. I was single, but not. That whole Woody Allen/Mia Farrow (pre Soon-Yi) separate togetherness.

I've been sick for the better part of 3 weeks now. Different issues, different days. We haven't had sex in about two weeks. The more we live together, the more I understand why some men seek a mistress. It is never pretty. It isn't always perfect and the sex has suffered. I can nag, we can fight. What a mess.

That reminds me of when I was a mistress. I saw the world in a much more romantic light. I could date him and not have to deal with the messy day to day of it all. Then again, I couldn't always have him and I was pretty much hidden from the world.

Brings to mind old Soundgarden lyrics:
The grass is always greener / Where the dogs are shitting

Speaking of my ex-married-boyfriend, I found him on Facebook. I wasn't looking for him. He showed up in my 'suggestions'. That took the wind out of my sails. I feel like I will always carry mistress related baggage. I ground in the cigarette because I dated him for so long. Kept going back, too. Kind of pissed that Facebook suggested him. I have a tendency to want to pick at that scab and obviously I don't have time for that now.

It seems that the only thing I have time for now is to be the repelling wife figure. Master wouldn't agree. It's just how I feel and well... this is my venting space.