I just had this strange passing thought: it is my wish that your daughter grows up to be just like we were. Full of passion coupled with a strong lesbo streak. I also wish that things didn't turn out in the manner they did. She is now a stranger to me, the one who used to be a muscle in my own heart. Songs fade from popularity. Tori Amos isn't as hot as she used to be. $25 and a cracker doesn't hold the fascination that it once did. Still has a few memories, though.

Kicking around musty thoughts tonight, obviously. The sky has looked bipolar stunning in the past few days. Lots of big, threatening clouds mixed with illuminated nearly heavenly looking ones. Rainbows abound. My father says it is raining in my life right now. He's right.

But at least I still have my sex drive. No sex last night. I didn't initiate. I don't think we will ever fuck again if I don't.

I wish He would set aside time to hurt me. To focus on me and not the tivo. To wax me, kiss me or piss in my ass. I feel like a kid that will do anything to get her parents attention. I'd even withstand the assfucking He likes so much.

I have spent a lot of time lately thinking about my ex, the married one. Kink was a big part of us. Maybe that's why I'm thinking about it so much. I miss kink. I miss the energy that feeds between an active slave/sub and her dom/master.

Been sighing a lot lately. But I'm alive.