My mother was diagnosed with a recurring cancer a few weeks ago and the surgery is this week. For the last 8+ years, I had lived just a 2 hour drive away and with every hospitalization I have always been there. I was hoping to be there this week but I simply can't miss any more work. I'm not crushed over this but I just do not like not being there. I don't feel like I can help from such a great distance. I don't like being helpless when my family needs me. You know?

I think I am getting over the stomach flu that hit me on Wednesday. It's unsettling to realize that it takes longer to heal as I age. Ugh, I am aging. I spent today struggling to get rid of the last of this... thing so that I can work and work hard this week. I have two jobs to excel at. I'm tired of being down for the count in these areas.

The other night, sick and a mess, all I wanted to do was make Master happy. He has done so much for me and has put up with so much. I wanted to crawl to him. I was already naked. I got on my hands and knees at the end of the hallway. I lasted two steps and I was a mess. I gave up and pathetically walked to him. At least I had the drive, I guess.

I think I am having problems adjusting to my new medication. I am still having trouble in general in the depression/anxiety area. The one shiny thing I am holding on to right now is that soon we will have a new pet. I love pets. And it felt like spring this weekend. I am so thankful for this.

Labels: ugly side